Sunday, June 5, 2016

Permanence

Not sure how I ever kept up a regular blogging schedule. In any case--it's been a busy couple of weeks since my last post. I've stayed in Berlin aside from a day trip to Hamburg to sort out living accommodations for the summer. Seeing a lot of parts of the city that I haven't made it out to yet. I really do love Berlin as a city, and I'm going to miss it a lot.

(One warning about city life: my wallet disappeared from my backpack yesterday, more likely through pickpockets than through negligence. Beware. Also I'm more pissed off about losing my monthly transportation pass than anything else, because if I had just gotten a weekly pass last week then it would be totally okay.)

I've been thinking a lot in the past week about permanence, because it isn't something I have right now. In a week and a half I'm moving from Berlin to Hamburg, where I will be staying for another three months, and then I start school again and am in one dorm for nine months, and in a different dorm for nine months the year after that, and then real adult life begins. Assuming I get a stable job that doesn't have me moving around a lot, that's two years until I have a place of my own.

Two years is a long time, though. In the early weeks of college I remember often thinking that if asked about what advice I'd give to high school students, I'd say that the people who say that "four years is short!" are wrong. Four years is a long time, too long to waste, too long to spend marking time. Then I wondered if I should also apply that thinking to my four years of college, and of course that is the case. Four years is long. Two years is long. Even three months is long. Ten weeks has been long enough for me to explore lots of Berlin and decide that it's my favorite city I've lived in. No amount of time is so short that it can be wasted, I'd say, only I spent today--my second to last Sunday in Berlin--at home, wasting as much time on my computer as getting work done, because I want to pretend that I have time to waste here.

This summer I am turning twenty. I'll be an upperclassman in college. It will have been four years since I read Thus Spake Zarathustra and the Aeneid for the first time (meaning: I should do a reread). I need to start thinking very seriously about what I'm going to do after I graduate. I also need to build habits that will be sustainable through the rest of my academic and working life, because now that there exist nights where I get 7-8 hours of sleep and eat breakfast I want to find a way to make that more common during the school year.

Who do I want to be for the rest of my life? Someone who is kind as well as competent, someone who doesn't just jump straight to anger when upset, someone upon whom to rely, someone who keeps themselves informed about the world and also helps others understand. Someone who gets enough sleep and eats breakfast and attends to their health and speaks a lot of languages and has their life in order.

I am not the person I want to be for the rest of my life. But a lot of these things are things I can do right now, and time is long, and I should not have to wait to put my life in order.

1 comment:

  1. These are important thoughts to have. I feel like it is too easy to become completely immersed in work and not see the forest for the trees, but also too easy to become intellectually/artistically/etc stagnant and complacent.

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