Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Connection

I'm really not doing great on the whole two-posts-per-week deal this quarter. What can I say? Winter Quarter. Nineteen units. This weekend, however, we had Monday off, which meant lots of time for both relaxation and work.

Something I've noticed is that it is really, really easy to lose track of people when you don't see them in person. I've been actively trying to keep up contact with my closest friends from last year who aren't in my dorm now, and the result is...brunch every couple of weeks. Not a lot. I love my friends and I need to spend a certain amount of time each day interacting with people I love, or else I start going robot. We're going to disperse even more next year than we are currently, which means I am thinking a lot about how to keep it up.

Even living in a dorm full of great people, it's easy to lose touch. I haven't spoken with some of my favorite frosh, my RA, or the guy whom I consider my brother in depth in a couple of weeks. Other friends regularly come over to hang out and drink tea, which I really appreciate, but about three people fall into this category. As for high school friends? Also few enough to count on one hand.

What will it be like when we leave college? Will I make friends near where I live, will I call my friends regularly, will radio silence consume all? The rapidity with which I forget what it was like to be me a year, two years, five years ago has made me aware how great a portion of who I am depends on my environment. Around people I trust, I can be kind; if I feel unsafe or unknown, the walls go up. Not to angst, but I could see a case where I live alone in a city and don't have any close friends nearby and consequently have my walls up the entire time I am around people.

I don't expect this to happen. I think my sense of self-preservation, at least, will drive me to search for genuine human contact. Next quarter, when I'm in Berlin, I'll practice. I'll meet people, talk to people, make friends*. In the close quarter pressure cooker of college dorm life, making friends happens naturally--keeping friends once geographically separated is more tricky. But you can always make friends in situ.

*In non-sketchy venues, of course. Sense of self-preservation, oder?

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