Friday, July 31, 2015

What I Miss

Though I am glad to be where I am, I find myself getting homesick, just a little. This is what I miss.

My cat. When I came home after the end of the school year she took about a week to warm back up to me, and then I left again, and I feel kind of bad about that because she doesn't know what's going on or why I keep abandoning her. Not that my family isn't also doting on her--this is my selfishness speaking, because I want to be her favorite and I want to be the one she's most comfortable with.

Some people. Of course I can keep in touch with people individually by email, Facebook, etc, but that doesn't beat in person interactions and that doesn't beat the inertia that makes it hard to send the first message. I'm trying to get better at this since I know the other person probably won't be annoyed, and the continuation of the relationship is worth the minor awkwardness of crawling out of the woodwork to say hello.

I especially miss being with a group of friends. Since graduating high school most of the time I see old friends it's one on one, and while I didn't have a well-defined "group" I do miss the dynamics of having a lot of people there. I also want to be out to more people who knew me before college (out about being ace, that is; I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do about my gender revelations) and if we were in a group I could do it more efficiently.

Of course I also miss my college friends, especially my hall. We were one of those sickeningly tight-knit ones that hung out in the hall all the time and how any of us got anything done is a mystery. A few of my friends and I are in the same dorm next year and I'm looking forward to that community, but the old dynamics were the major force shaping my freshman year and I miss those days already.

Sidewalks, my bike, the convenience of living on campus -- this boils down to an ability to convey myself to a variety of locations on my own power unstressfully. Crossing the street in Jakarta is far more difficult than crossing the street in Palo Alto. And it's a car/motorcycle's world, which I don't like because I prefer means of transportation (walking and biking) where I am in control.

Doing my own laundry. I've been told specifically that the housekeeper does laundry, and how much to give her per month in compensation for this task, and I still feel guilty about it. Same goes for the dishes. I guess what I miss is the independence that comes from doing your own chores. (As a side note, I've always thought that a really good parenting move would be to make a deal with your kid that you'll stay out of their room as long as they take responsibility for keeping it neat. Maybe because I'm deeply territorial now and was even more so as a kid.)

A desk at home. Now, when I use my computer at home, it's cross-legged on my bed under the mosquito net. This mosquito net happens to be quite spacious, but I'm pretty sure that the way I sit is hardly ergonomic.

Contra dancing. Relates to missing my friends and my bike and being on campus.

Naps. I usually hit a low energy point somewhere around 1400 or 1500, and I think if I took a nap then I could easily stay at the office a couple of hours later than I usually do and be more productive. But alas. (I'm not a workaholic; I want to see our project succeed.)

Of course there are also things here that I will miss when I leave, but I'll leave that to next post. In the meantime, this post suggests a few courses of action:
  • Let go of the discomfort of asking someone else to do your laundry. Remember that you are compensating her.
  • Go places anyway and maybe get used to the stress.
  • Take an actual lunch break and maybe that will avoid the mid afternoon slump.
  • Contact people.

1 comment:

  1. I miss being able to call you. I hope you are well.