Friday, August 24, 2012

Pensiveness

Sometimes, when you've had a stressful week, much of it spent being unhappy, it helps to stop, and sit, and drink cold water, and look up into the night sky.

"Nicholas settled on the bluff, leaning back on his hands, and let his ankles and feet dangle over the edge. A breeze fluttered in his ears and cooled his bristly scalp. The moon cast the farm fields below in tones of blue and silver. For a long time he gazed out over them, his mind moving more slowly now, more calmly. It was peaceful here. He was in no danger of falling asleep; he no longer felt sleepy in the least. On the contrary, he felt wide away, alert, and strangely aware of all his emotions, including sadness, including loneliness, though they did not trouble him very much. Eventually Nicholas stopped looking at the fields and gazed only at the huge, brilliant moon above him.

When the alarm clock rang, its tinny rattling muffled inside his backpack, Nicholas felt startled and disoriented. He fumbled to shut it off, still looking upward. He had the strangest sensation that he was drifting back down to earth, as if he had been up there with the moon all this time. He knew he had to go back. Back to the orphanage, back to the Spiders, back to that prison cell of a room, back to his nightmares. He stood, dusted off his pants, hesitated. And then he set the alarm clock again, and sat down again, and allowed himself just a few minutes more."

-Trenton Lee Stewart, The Extraordinary Education of Nicholas Benedict, p. 184-185

Things to let go:
-ways others have disappointed you
-worries for the future
-jealousy and envy
-resentment
-ways you've disappointed yourself

Trust that you will do the things you want to do, that you will be worthy of doing them.

Trust that you will be happy.



Be patient.

Breathe.

2 comments:

  1. Love the song.
    Yep you should definitely let go of all those things you said, just don't let go of the ways you've disappointed yourself, keep them out of mind in a little box and take them out when you don't know what to do next: do the opposite of what is in that little box.

    You have so much to decide right now, mainly you are deciding who you are going to be..when i was sixteen "Trust that you will do the things you want to do, that you will be worthy of doing them. Trust that you will be happy." sounds exactly like something i would have said. Still does. And maybe i am not a lot of things, but i'm lucky enough to be serene right now...so you promise me you'll follow your own advice :)

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  2. I shall do my best.

    What I mean by letting go of self-disappointment is to stop beating myself up over mistakes, and doing what you suggest, which is learning from them.

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